behind the camera

this is always the hardest thing for me to write. to tell you who i am and what I’m about. my husband thinks its easy.

“just tell them all about you. i don’t know anyone that wouldn’t want to hire you just based on who you are… and thats not even talking about how you take the best pictures!”

well thanks, husband of mine. but you married me, and so you’re biased. you know what, though? it is hard. especially because i feel as though this is the section where i am supposed to brag about me.  and i can’t do that. i am not the bragging type.

i can’t sit here and be stuck up.  and i tell you how amazing i am, how I’ve been published here and there, I’ve been recognized for this or that. i can’t. what i can do is just be honest. and real. and open.

so first things first, i edited that picture of me up there. i mean, i didn’t edit it a LOT, but i have those “eleven” wrinkles in between my eyebrows and i hate them. and i have photoshop so i got rid of them. so when you come to me and see me after you hire me (i hope!) don’t be shocked to see those lines.

besides my wrinkles, which i should simply accept because i am thirty eight years old now, i am an introvert. for a lot of you who already know me and have hired me, you won’t believe that. because i am crazy outgoing and loud with kids and I’m happy and energetic. you’d think i am the opposite if you took a class with me and i spoke and laughed in front of you and fifty other women non stop for three hours.  but i am. the thing about introvertedness is that i hate small talk. you know, the “oh my gosh this weather is crazy” talk.  or “how is the baby doing” talk. small talk. yuck. if I’m going to talk its going to be big talk and its going to be real.  I’m not going to say “the kids are good” because thats fake. i am going to tell you that it was a hard God damn morning because my kids were being douchey and they wouldn’t listen and my husband left his shoes in the middle of the floor and i tripped over them and now i have a huge bruise on my leg. introverts can’t do small talk bc our minds won’t let us. and so I’m not capable of that. i hate parties. i hate attention. too much and i literally have to unwind. my favorite time of day is when the littles go to bed and i sit for the first time and just breathe.

im a mom to four girls. and I’m still alive. I’ve lived through a rough first marriage, a divorce. i made it through the death of a grandmother. I’ve made it through a home birth and I’ve found my way out on the other side of a very serious post partum depression. and I’m still here.

I’ve lived. and I’ve lived a lot. there was a time in the midst of that post partum where i didn’t think i was going to make it. but i did. and I’m here. and the one thing that has been a constant since my first marriage is the birth of this business.  my photos. meeting clients. photographing families. its the one thing that has always been here. its the one thing i lean on to get me through, well, basically everything.

i will say one thing.

you will NOT find another photographer who is as happy as i am with a camera in their hand. i promise you. you will not find another photographer who has been though hell and back and back again and is still here, stronger than ever, producing images of babies and families that you will cry over.  you will not find another photographer who sits in front of their computer culling through images and finding themselves smiling because they are taken back to the day the photos were taken and are brought back to such happiness.

so thats all ill say.

I’m good at what i do because I’m a person. because i am a mom. because I’m real. because there isn’t anything you can tell me that i haven’t dealt with. because i know life. and i can photograph life. because I’ve lived it.

and besides all this, well, because i promise you will never find someone who loves it like i do. because when something like taking pictures can get you through the times that i have been through, you won’t want anyone else to pick up a camera and take your photo the way i can and will. i promise.

“you can only become truly accomplished at something you love.  pursue the things you love doing, and then do them so well that people can’t take their eyes off you.” -maya angelou